A Battle of Faith & Love

Love, Life & Religion

Time to Act?

Just spent about an hour on the phone with my mom, helping her work on her Henna webpage. She had a free site hosted elsewhere, but I promised her twenty times over that I would set up something nice and easy for her to use. So while I orginally called to tell her a funny joke, our conversation turned into her website. I decided to set something up here at WordPress.com for her, it’s pretty easy to use and manage, and very simple, which she likes.

I would put the link up here, but I’m worried that by doing that somehow she would gain knowledge of this blog. I’ll be taking care of most of the management of her blog, and this week she’s going to henna my hands and feet and take pictures to post.

While on the phone with her, I wondered exactly what it was that was keeping me from telling her and my dad about Ivan now. I’ve stated that I’m waiting until the spring to let them know, but I’m wondering why I can’t tell them now.

I originally feared that I would be disowned, so my original plan called for me to tell them when I graduated, when I would no longer be dependent on them. But I’m not financially dependent on them now. Well not counting health insurance, as I’m on my dad’s wonderful federal health insurance plan. When I say it’s wonderful, I mean it’s really wonderful.

Now that my main fear of being disowned has calmed down a bit, I don’t have much to lose by telling my parents now. I don’t live at home (though I visit every week or so) and I have a job. For all intents and purposes, I’m supporting myself. That’s what the federal government and the IRS feel, since I’m an independent student.

While writing this, I’m thinking that if I tell my parents now that may give me some time for tempers to cool, vs. telling right before my graduation, which would put their attendance at my graduation at risk. If I could, I would tell them today, but I’m so afraid of the unknown, and if they do cut me off that would be devastating to me and would probably have a negative effect on my performance during my last semester of college.

So really, I’m paralyzed by fear. But I’m going to give this some thought, and maybe I’ll tell them sooner than I thought. Maybe next week, maybe when/if I get an acceptance letter to law school.

I just hope that after I tell them I can still have hour long phone conversations with my mom.

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