A Battle of Faith & Love

Love, Life & Religion

The Beginning..

As you can see this is a new blog. The title should give you an idea about what the main topic will be. I’ll be using this blog to document my struggles with religion and the trials and tribulations that are inherent in romantic relationships.

To give you a little background information:

You can call me chickpea. I’m a 20-something year old female living in the Northeast – in the NYC metropolitan area. I’ll be graduating from college this May, and am currently applying to law school. My family is Muslim, and I was raised accordingly. My parents are fairly moderate in their practices. My views on religion are a bit more open-minded than my parents, and while I consider myself Muslim, there are many people that would tell me I am wrong. I do not cover.

You might be wondering – ok, where is the struggle with religion & love?

I have been in a relation with a wonderful guy since July 2005. He is not Muslim, and for that matter, not religious at all (he was raised in the Soviet Union). We’ll call him Ivan. My parents know that he is my friend, but I have not told them anything beyond that. I’m pretty sure that they know something is up, but I try not to worry about that too much. What I do worry about is coming clean to my parents. I will be graduating from college in less than five months, and I want to tell them by then.

The true battle lies in the fact that I love Ivan. He loves me. But he’s not Muslim and doesn’t really have any interest in becoming Muslim. He respects my beliefs for the most part, although he doesn’t agree with some of the modern day applications of my religion. And in this respect, I don’t agree with these things either. Nevertheless, we’ve pretty much decided that after my graduation I will move in with him and he’ll help support me while I’m in law school.

At first I was afraid that my parents would disown me for being with him. Everyone has told me that my parents love me too much to do that, but I do know that regardless of what happens, things will be different. I don’t want to disappoint my parents – especially my father – because I’m the “good kid” (I have an older sister and younger brother), but I feel that I have to live my life and make the decisions I feel are right in my heart, and accept the consequences.

So over the next few months, I’ll be posting about my nervousness and fear of telling my parents. I’ll also be using this blog as an arena to fight out my struggles with religion, etc. Feel free to comment and give advice, support, even criticism. I’m expecting a lot of criticism actually. But for now I’ll take whatever I can get.

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